Wednesday, July 25, 2007
'Tis I . . . .
Yes, LL and Sharon. 'Tis I that wrote that anonymous letter below (What Would You Do? July 11.) I had a few really upset parents, with the same reactions as you, which warranted me sending this letter out hours after the first:
"Dear Parents,
It seems I've offended a lot of you with my last letter (What Would You Do? July 11) and that was not my intention at all. I owe you apologies because my intentions were good, but, upon rereading it tonight, I realize my note came across as condescending, impersonal and it looks like it's a lecture on parenting which it most certainly isn't. Being the flawed person I am, I am sooooo not qualified to tell anybody how to parent. It's just that I'm at all of the boys' practices, the boys forget I'm there and I've seen and heard some mean stuff. My child is not excluded from any of this and I am not finger pointing. Again I do not ever judge anybody's parenting skills, only my own, and my letter was just intended to make all of us think (our family included) about team playing and being kind to one another. Again, I'm sorry that I've offended anybody. I promise you that my intentions were good and I see that the tone of my letter did not sound as kind and as thought provoking as I meant it to be. It's obvious I made an error in judgement.
Gee. Nice way for me to get to know you all. Again, my apologies,
Loralee"
I appreciate your comments, LL and Sharon, because it validated what others were feeling when they received the first letter. To explain my actions I have to say that my son is a "quirkster" and I was just soooooo sick of seeing all of the meaness being perpetrated upon him. He didn't see most of it, but I did. "Don't tell small child." "Don't let small child help." "Small child you're not doing it right." "You look like a girl and you're ugly." "You can't use the mini fan because you're not cool but everyone else can." Not ordinary goofy boy stuff, but mean hearted stuff. That's not to say that small child wasn't somewhat responsible for some of this himself (and, yes, we are working on that part!) for how some of the boys treated him but still, as LL says, "Mean people suck."
Heartbroken and on the verge of tears was I a lot of the time. The first letter was written in a heartfelt and caring way, but obviously it was not taken that way. Your responses really helped to validate that. It made me understand that if you know me, you'd know exactly the tone of the letter, BUT if you didn't you'd take it exactly the way you both did. Oh well, live and learn.
Shortly after that small child asked to be taken off of the team. We're trying to teach him not to be a quitter and to stick with what he started so we asked him why. "I'm not having fun and nobody likes me." Guess he saw and felt more then I suspected. We supported his decision. We'll try out again next year. It will be a relief not to see the unkind and mean spiritedness and to be away from some of the soccer parents. Yikes! Some of 'em are pretty scary.
"Dear Parents,
It seems I've offended a lot of you with my last letter (What Would You Do? July 11) and that was not my intention at all. I owe you apologies because my intentions were good, but, upon rereading it tonight, I realize my note came across as condescending, impersonal and it looks like it's a lecture on parenting which it most certainly isn't. Being the flawed person I am, I am sooooo not qualified to tell anybody how to parent. It's just that I'm at all of the boys' practices, the boys forget I'm there and I've seen and heard some mean stuff. My child is not excluded from any of this and I am not finger pointing. Again I do not ever judge anybody's parenting skills, only my own, and my letter was just intended to make all of us think (our family included) about team playing and being kind to one another. Again, I'm sorry that I've offended anybody. I promise you that my intentions were good and I see that the tone of my letter did not sound as kind and as thought provoking as I meant it to be. It's obvious I made an error in judgement.
Gee. Nice way for me to get to know you all. Again, my apologies,
Loralee"
I appreciate your comments, LL and Sharon, because it validated what others were feeling when they received the first letter. To explain my actions I have to say that my son is a "quirkster" and I was just soooooo sick of seeing all of the meaness being perpetrated upon him. He didn't see most of it, but I did. "Don't tell small child." "Don't let small child help." "Small child you're not doing it right." "You look like a girl and you're ugly." "You can't use the mini fan because you're not cool but everyone else can." Not ordinary goofy boy stuff, but mean hearted stuff. That's not to say that small child wasn't somewhat responsible for some of this himself (and, yes, we are working on that part!) for how some of the boys treated him but still, as LL says, "Mean people suck."
Heartbroken and on the verge of tears was I a lot of the time. The first letter was written in a heartfelt and caring way, but obviously it was not taken that way. Your responses really helped to validate that. It made me understand that if you know me, you'd know exactly the tone of the letter, BUT if you didn't you'd take it exactly the way you both did. Oh well, live and learn.
Shortly after that small child asked to be taken off of the team. We're trying to teach him not to be a quitter and to stick with what he started so we asked him why. "I'm not having fun and nobody likes me." Guess he saw and felt more then I suspected. We supported his decision. We'll try out again next year. It will be a relief not to see the unkind and mean spiritedness and to be away from some of the soccer parents. Yikes! Some of 'em are pretty scary.
# posted by Loralee @ 1:57 PM 
Comments:
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OK, I'm really confused now. So YOU sent this letter? To the other parents?
Pardon me, sometimes it takes me a while to understand things...
But it sounds as if you did the right thing in letting your son quit such an uncomfortable situation. Children CAN be mean. (I taught school for over 30 years and I could tell you stories!)
Being a parent is probably the most difficult job in the world. At least if you are trying to do it right! Children look to us for love, guidance, acceptance, and a safe place to fall. Just providing a home, clothing and food is not enough. We have to be part therapist, part doctor/nurse, part teacher, part cheer leader.
When we adopted our son, someone gave my husband a placque that said, "Any man can be a father, it takes someone special to be a DADDY!" Same goes for a mom!
Pardon me, sometimes it takes me a while to understand things...
But it sounds as if you did the right thing in letting your son quit such an uncomfortable situation. Children CAN be mean. (I taught school for over 30 years and I could tell you stories!)
Being a parent is probably the most difficult job in the world. At least if you are trying to do it right! Children look to us for love, guidance, acceptance, and a safe place to fall. Just providing a home, clothing and food is not enough. We have to be part therapist, part doctor/nurse, part teacher, part cheer leader.
When we adopted our son, someone gave my husband a placque that said, "Any man can be a father, it takes someone special to be a DADDY!" Same goes for a mom!
Yeah. I sent BOTH letters. Sigh.
Again, live and learn. I had good intentions though! I'm not a mean hearted kind of person, but it back fired . . . so that's why the apology letter. Sigh, again.
Again, live and learn. I had good intentions though! I'm not a mean hearted kind of person, but it back fired . . . so that's why the apology letter. Sigh, again.
OH SUCK! You are totally right on, if I knew you wrote that letter I would NEVER think you were judgmental because, well...I know you and know you aren't!
That was very clever of you, to get a true opinion that is purely based on phrases vs. interpretation that has filters of us knowing your personality and intent.
THAT said:
PEOPLE WHO ARE MEAN TO SMALL CHILD MUST BE STOMPED ON, CRUSHED AND DESTROYED.
I'm just sayin'...
:)
That was very clever of you, to get a true opinion that is purely based on phrases vs. interpretation that has filters of us knowing your personality and intent.
THAT said:
PEOPLE WHO ARE MEAN TO SMALL CHILD MUST BE STOMPED ON, CRUSHED AND DESTROYED.
I'm just sayin'...
:)
P.S.
I have to say that I despise meanness in other kids. One of my biggest fears is having a child who is bullying/ picking on other children.
I would want to know if it were happening. Absolutely. But I also know that most parents aren't really like that. Your intent was SO in the right place, hon.
I have to say that I despise meanness in other kids. One of my biggest fears is having a child who is bullying/ picking on other children.
I would want to know if it were happening. Absolutely. But I also know that most parents aren't really like that. Your intent was SO in the right place, hon.
They'll all be dead within a fewyears anwyway - they have to rely on women to drivethem to and from soccer practice, remember.
I used to get the shit teased out of me all throughout grade school, and even got the "you look like a girl" comment quite a bit too. Besides my split/multiple personalities, I turned out pretty well.
Don't worry.
Don't worry.
Some parents cannot believe their child is a bully. Some are grownup bullies. The kids learn it somewhere!
I did not find the letter to be at all judgmental! There are lots of parents who wouldn't even take the time to write it. Instead? They'd go off(!!!) and let the bullies' parents have it. I say, if the shoe fits, wear it. If it's uncomfortable, maybe you need to change the way you walk. And talk.
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I did not find the letter to be at all judgmental! There are lots of parents who wouldn't even take the time to write it. Instead? They'd go off(!!!) and let the bullies' parents have it. I say, if the shoe fits, wear it. If it's uncomfortable, maybe you need to change the way you walk. And talk.
# posted by 
: 12:30 PM
: 12:30 PM << Home
