Wednesday, July 25, 2007
'Tis I . . . .
Yes, LL and Sharon. 'Tis I that wrote that anonymous letter below (What Would You Do? July 11.) I had a few really upset parents, with the same reactions as you, which warranted me sending this letter out hours after the first:
"Dear Parents,
It seems I've offended a lot of you with my last letter (What Would You Do? July 11) and that was not my intention at all. I owe you apologies because my intentions were good, but, upon rereading it tonight, I realize my note came across as condescending, impersonal and it looks like it's a lecture on parenting which it most certainly isn't. Being the flawed person I am, I am sooooo not qualified to tell anybody how to parent. It's just that I'm at all of the boys' practices, the boys forget I'm there and I've seen and heard some mean stuff. My child is not excluded from any of this and I am not finger pointing. Again I do not ever judge anybody's parenting skills, only my own, and my letter was just intended to make all of us think (our family included) about team playing and being kind to one another. Again, I'm sorry that I've offended anybody. I promise you that my intentions were good and I see that the tone of my letter did not sound as kind and as thought provoking as I meant it to be. It's obvious I made an error in judgement.
Gee. Nice way for me to get to know you all. Again, my apologies,
Loralee"
I appreciate your comments, LL and Sharon, because it validated what others were feeling when they received the first letter. To explain my actions I have to say that my son is a "quirkster" and I was just soooooo sick of seeing all of the meaness being perpetrated upon him. He didn't see most of it, but I did. "Don't tell small child." "Don't let small child help." "Small child you're not doing it right." "You look like a girl and you're ugly." "You can't use the mini fan because you're not cool but everyone else can." Not ordinary goofy boy stuff, but mean hearted stuff. That's not to say that small child wasn't somewhat responsible for some of this himself (and, yes, we are working on that part!) for how some of the boys treated him but still, as LL says, "Mean people suck."
Heartbroken and on the verge of tears was I a lot of the time. The first letter was written in a heartfelt and caring way, but obviously it was not taken that way. Your responses really helped to validate that. It made me understand that if you know me, you'd know exactly the tone of the letter, BUT if you didn't you'd take it exactly the way you both did. Oh well, live and learn.
Shortly after that small child asked to be taken off of the team. We're trying to teach him not to be a quitter and to stick with what he started so we asked him why. "I'm not having fun and nobody likes me." Guess he saw and felt more then I suspected. We supported his decision. We'll try out again next year. It will be a relief not to see the unkind and mean spiritedness and to be away from some of the soccer parents. Yikes! Some of 'em are pretty scary.
"Dear Parents,
It seems I've offended a lot of you with my last letter (What Would You Do? July 11) and that was not my intention at all. I owe you apologies because my intentions were good, but, upon rereading it tonight, I realize my note came across as condescending, impersonal and it looks like it's a lecture on parenting which it most certainly isn't. Being the flawed person I am, I am sooooo not qualified to tell anybody how to parent. It's just that I'm at all of the boys' practices, the boys forget I'm there and I've seen and heard some mean stuff. My child is not excluded from any of this and I am not finger pointing. Again I do not ever judge anybody's parenting skills, only my own, and my letter was just intended to make all of us think (our family included) about team playing and being kind to one another. Again, I'm sorry that I've offended anybody. I promise you that my intentions were good and I see that the tone of my letter did not sound as kind and as thought provoking as I meant it to be. It's obvious I made an error in judgement.
Gee. Nice way for me to get to know you all. Again, my apologies,
Loralee"
I appreciate your comments, LL and Sharon, because it validated what others were feeling when they received the first letter. To explain my actions I have to say that my son is a "quirkster" and I was just soooooo sick of seeing all of the meaness being perpetrated upon him. He didn't see most of it, but I did. "Don't tell small child." "Don't let small child help." "Small child you're not doing it right." "You look like a girl and you're ugly." "You can't use the mini fan because you're not cool but everyone else can." Not ordinary goofy boy stuff, but mean hearted stuff. That's not to say that small child wasn't somewhat responsible for some of this himself (and, yes, we are working on that part!) for how some of the boys treated him but still, as LL says, "Mean people suck."
Heartbroken and on the verge of tears was I a lot of the time. The first letter was written in a heartfelt and caring way, but obviously it was not taken that way. Your responses really helped to validate that. It made me understand that if you know me, you'd know exactly the tone of the letter, BUT if you didn't you'd take it exactly the way you both did. Oh well, live and learn.
Shortly after that small child asked to be taken off of the team. We're trying to teach him not to be a quitter and to stick with what he started so we asked him why. "I'm not having fun and nobody likes me." Guess he saw and felt more then I suspected. We supported his decision. We'll try out again next year. It will be a relief not to see the unkind and mean spiritedness and to be away from some of the soccer parents. Yikes! Some of 'em are pretty scary.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
A Birthday Ditty
As sung to the tune of "Happy Birthday" . . . . .
"Happy Birthday to me
In less then a week
I'm s'posed to be grown-up
But I'm still a geek!"
"Happy Birthday to me
In less then a week
I'm s'posed to be grown-up
But I'm still a geek!"
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
What Would You Do?
What would you do if you got an e-mail like this? It's somebody you don't know. How would you honestly react? Just wondering . . .
"Was your childhood painful or pleasurable? Were you left out or popular? Were you bullied or were you the bully? Did you make other kids laugh? Were you included or alienated? What role were you assigned when you were a child because these memories matter.
Some children are shy. Some children are gloriously outgoing. Some are quirky and some are charming. There are the leaders and there are the followers. There are the homecoming queens and the football heros and then there are the not so popular nerds and geeks. When it comes to socializing some children are like well oiled cogs in a smooth running machine and then there are those who are the square pegs that don’t fit into the round holes. In this big, wonderful world full of variety and differences this is to be expected. All children will not get along, all children will not like each other, and all children will not be "best friends."
It is our job as parents to validate these feelings, to let our children know how to properly embrace the differences of the world. However, it is our DUTY to explain to our children how to act upon these feelings. It is our job as parents to give our children the tools needed to know the difference between a feeling and an action, "It’s okay, little Stevie, if you don’t like little Bucky, but it’s not okay to hit him or call him weird because you don’t like him." It is our job as parents to teach our children how to come from a place of fairness and kindness, to teach our children how NOT to bully, ostracize, name call, or hit. It is our job as parents to teach our children the golden rule: "Treat others as you yourself would like to be treated."
We’ll keep trying our best to implement these rules of thumb in our home and it is my wish that you will too. Hopefully, by trial and error and some mistakes along the way, we will all raise fair, kind and honorable young men.
Thank you."
"Was your childhood painful or pleasurable? Were you left out or popular? Were you bullied or were you the bully? Did you make other kids laugh? Were you included or alienated? What role were you assigned when you were a child because these memories matter.
Some children are shy. Some children are gloriously outgoing. Some are quirky and some are charming. There are the leaders and there are the followers. There are the homecoming queens and the football heros and then there are the not so popular nerds and geeks. When it comes to socializing some children are like well oiled cogs in a smooth running machine and then there are those who are the square pegs that don’t fit into the round holes. In this big, wonderful world full of variety and differences this is to be expected. All children will not get along, all children will not like each other, and all children will not be "best friends."
It is our job as parents to validate these feelings, to let our children know how to properly embrace the differences of the world. However, it is our DUTY to explain to our children how to act upon these feelings. It is our job as parents to give our children the tools needed to know the difference between a feeling and an action, "It’s okay, little Stevie, if you don’t like little Bucky, but it’s not okay to hit him or call him weird because you don’t like him." It is our job as parents to teach our children how to come from a place of fairness and kindness, to teach our children how NOT to bully, ostracize, name call, or hit. It is our job as parents to teach our children the golden rule: "Treat others as you yourself would like to be treated."
We’ll keep trying our best to implement these rules of thumb in our home and it is my wish that you will too. Hopefully, by trial and error and some mistakes along the way, we will all raise fair, kind and honorable young men.
Thank you."
