Saturday, November 04, 2006
Pity Party
Yeah. I'm having a pity party right now. It's about my singing career. I know, I know. I need to let it go. I need to move on. Leave the music to the younger people. Change careers. Give it up. Get tougher skin. Become jaded. And sometimes I almost . . . almost . . . almost . . . Ahhhh!
I can't help it. Every now and then I get bummed out. I know most of you have never heard me, but I'm good. Damned good. Letting go of my singing and my career is akin to telling my right arm that I don't need it and that I hate it now. Yep:
"Right arm? Yes. I have something to tell you. I hate you now. Even though I've had you attached to me all of my life and you're a part of me. Even though I'm accustomed to you. Even though I love you and who you are and what you do for me. Even though you help me out and I really need you. I have to get rid of you now cause I hate you. Go away. I have no use for you."
Plus that little flame of hope just does not want to die down. Maybe, just maybe? I keep trying to extinguish it and move on but still . . .
Did you know that . . . . .
I sang back ground vocals, with a bunch of my Bay Area singer friends, on 5 songs in the movie RENT and on the soundtrack CD?
I sang backgrounds on a Celine Dion release?
I've done demos for the writer who's written hits for Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey? (Just two of many people that he's written for.)
I've done demos for the writer who's co-written hits for Aretha Franklin? (Just one of many people that he's written for.)
I've done demos for the writer who wrote "It's Your Love" for Faith Hill and Tim McGraw and "Sin Wagon" for the Dixie Chicks? (Just one of many hits that she's written for many artists.)
sang back grounds in Clarence Clemmons's band? Yes. He's the "big man" that plays sax for Bruce Springstein.
I did a children's album with the back up singer for Santana? Yes. That is him singing harmonies on "Smooth" with Rob Thomas.
I've had people from MCA, Starstruck, EMI and Capitol/Nashville take interest in my singing and Tim McGraw's publishing partner told me that I was his favorite singer?
I've sung national television and radio commercials? I've even been heard in Canada. Actually, a women from Canada heard one of my TV commercials, found out how to contact me and wrote me a letter telling me that I should be famous and did I have a CD that she could buy. Same thing with a man from New York who actually wanted to hire me . . . sadly it was too much of a commute.
I've had many, many people come up and say, "Why aren't you on American Idol?" Ummm. . . cause I'm 46 and the age cap is 26. Can we say age-ism? I say 'ol Simon Cowell needs to start a "Senior Idol" show. I'm a shoo-in.
And let's not forget the comments and the mail, some from friends, but MOST from people that I don't really know but were inspired enough to contact me:
"an unbelieveable voice . . . the best singer I know . . . why aren't you famous? . . . why don't you have a record deal? . . .what a voice . . .you've got soul . . . you're my favorite singer . . . your voice is amazing . . . you are awesome . . . I love your voice . . . you can sing anything . . . what an incredible voice . . .you are most talented indeed . . . you sing like an angel . . . what a gift . . . you have command of so many different styles and timbres . . . you are very inspiring to those who hear you sing and a joy for those who get to work with you . . . I love your voice . . . I expect tohear you on the radio anytime . . . why aren't you on the radio? . . . I'm an instant fan . . . Loralee ROCKS . . . thanks for the wonderful gift of your beautiful voice . . . someone who sings the song and makes you believe it . . . damn, I love Loralee's voice . . .your voice is sexy as shit."
Ahhhhh . . . the list goes on and on.
What is truly sad is this is not just my story. All of my musician friends here in the Bay Area have the same story. They've played with amazing people and done amazing things and yet a lot of them are hardly working or like me are taking gigs like tonight. I made minimum money for maximum work. Now I'm not complaining about the work . . . okay . . . I am complaining just a little . . . but I really need the money and I like the people I work with at this particular gig but . . . come on . . . really . . . how many times can I sing "I Will Survive" or "We Are Family" for drunk people that are kicking the ficas trees, falling down on the dance floor, grabbing our gear or throwing up on the bar?? How many times can I sing "Boogie Oogie Oogie" and make people believe that they should "Get on up, on the floor, cause they're gonna boogie oogie oogie til they just can't boogie no more?" How much longer can I make them believe that I "Waited til I saw the sun, don't know why I didn't come?" and that I, "Left them by the house of fun, don't know why I didn't come, I don't know why I didn't come?" (I know Alex will have something to say about this song . . . . .)
It's all so frustrating. There's so much talent out there and NO ONE will ever hear it. I'm talking AMAZING talent . . . just here in the Bay Area alone . . . and no one will ever hear it. Sigh.
And the ultimate slap in the face?? The creme de la creme of frustrations?? You will never hear me or my friends Melisa and Annie on the radio. You'll never see us on a video and most likely we'll never be downloaded into your i-pod. But rest assured you can hear and see Shakira or that effin Taylor guy, who won Americon Idol last year, every 5 minutes . . . 24/7 . . . every day of the week.
I can't help it. Every now and then I get bummed out. I know most of you have never heard me, but I'm good. Damned good. Letting go of my singing and my career is akin to telling my right arm that I don't need it and that I hate it now. Yep:
"Right arm? Yes. I have something to tell you. I hate you now. Even though I've had you attached to me all of my life and you're a part of me. Even though I'm accustomed to you. Even though I love you and who you are and what you do for me. Even though you help me out and I really need you. I have to get rid of you now cause I hate you. Go away. I have no use for you."
Plus that little flame of hope just does not want to die down. Maybe, just maybe? I keep trying to extinguish it and move on but still . . .
Did you know that . . . . .
I sang back ground vocals, with a bunch of my Bay Area singer friends, on 5 songs in the movie RENT and on the soundtrack CD?
I sang backgrounds on a Celine Dion release?
I've done demos for the writer who's written hits for Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey? (Just two of many people that he's written for.)
I've done demos for the writer who's co-written hits for Aretha Franklin? (Just one of many people that he's written for.)
I've done demos for the writer who wrote "It's Your Love" for Faith Hill and Tim McGraw and "Sin Wagon" for the Dixie Chicks? (Just one of many hits that she's written for many artists.)
sang back grounds in Clarence Clemmons's band? Yes. He's the "big man" that plays sax for Bruce Springstein.
I did a children's album with the back up singer for Santana? Yes. That is him singing harmonies on "Smooth" with Rob Thomas.
I've had people from MCA, Starstruck, EMI and Capitol/Nashville take interest in my singing and Tim McGraw's publishing partner told me that I was his favorite singer?
I've sung national television and radio commercials? I've even been heard in Canada. Actually, a women from Canada heard one of my TV commercials, found out how to contact me and wrote me a letter telling me that I should be famous and did I have a CD that she could buy. Same thing with a man from New York who actually wanted to hire me . . . sadly it was too much of a commute.
I've had many, many people come up and say, "Why aren't you on American Idol?" Ummm. . . cause I'm 46 and the age cap is 26. Can we say age-ism? I say 'ol Simon Cowell needs to start a "Senior Idol" show. I'm a shoo-in.
And let's not forget the comments and the mail, some from friends, but MOST from people that I don't really know but were inspired enough to contact me:
"an unbelieveable voice . . . the best singer I know . . . why aren't you famous? . . . why don't you have a record deal? . . .what a voice . . .you've got soul . . . you're my favorite singer . . . your voice is amazing . . . you are awesome . . . I love your voice . . . you can sing anything . . . what an incredible voice . . .you are most talented indeed . . . you sing like an angel . . . what a gift . . . you have command of so many different styles and timbres . . . you are very inspiring to those who hear you sing and a joy for those who get to work with you . . . I love your voice . . . I expect tohear you on the radio anytime . . . why aren't you on the radio? . . . I'm an instant fan . . . Loralee ROCKS . . . thanks for the wonderful gift of your beautiful voice . . . someone who sings the song and makes you believe it . . . damn, I love Loralee's voice . . .your voice is sexy as shit."
Ahhhhh . . . the list goes on and on.
What is truly sad is this is not just my story. All of my musician friends here in the Bay Area have the same story. They've played with amazing people and done amazing things and yet a lot of them are hardly working or like me are taking gigs like tonight. I made minimum money for maximum work. Now I'm not complaining about the work . . . okay . . . I am complaining just a little . . . but I really need the money and I like the people I work with at this particular gig but . . . come on . . . really . . . how many times can I sing "I Will Survive" or "We Are Family" for drunk people that are kicking the ficas trees, falling down on the dance floor, grabbing our gear or throwing up on the bar?? How many times can I sing "Boogie Oogie Oogie" and make people believe that they should "Get on up, on the floor, cause they're gonna boogie oogie oogie til they just can't boogie no more?" How much longer can I make them believe that I "Waited til I saw the sun, don't know why I didn't come?" and that I, "Left them by the house of fun, don't know why I didn't come, I don't know why I didn't come?" (I know Alex will have something to say about this song . . . . .)
It's all so frustrating. There's so much talent out there and NO ONE will ever hear it. I'm talking AMAZING talent . . . just here in the Bay Area alone . . . and no one will ever hear it. Sigh.
And the ultimate slap in the face?? The creme de la creme of frustrations?? You will never hear me or my friends Melisa and Annie on the radio. You'll never see us on a video and most likely we'll never be downloaded into your i-pod. But rest assured you can hear and see Shakira or that effin Taylor guy, who won Americon Idol last year, every 5 minutes . . . 24/7 . . . every day of the week.
# posted by Loralee @ 3:20 PM 
Comments:
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Pity parties piss me off, so I'm going to give you some friendly advice. You know you can count on me to abstain from blowing sunshine up your ass - I'm either a straight shooter, or I'm silent.
1) I'm not sure why you feel the need to give up. If your career isn't going in the right direction, then it's time to adapt, not time to throw in the towel. Start writing some songs in a genre you've never worked in before, or hook up with some musicians who are much older or younger than you. Diversify, try new things; moreover, just keep trying.
2) The career you choose should be something you would do without pay. I'm a bookworm who likes talking about ideas, arguing over obscure texts, and making proles realize they are undereducated hicks who do not deserve to have a voice in our government, thus I decided to become a university professor. If you need a certain level of pay to be a singer, perhaps it's not what you really love. Judging by the way you talk, I doubt that, but you never know - maybe your true calling is beekeeping. It's not my job to tell you that, it's your job to figure it out.
3) I've heard you sing. You have a beautiful voice. But the CDs you sent me were full of cover tunes. Why not get together with another musician and write some new material? It may be more difficult to sell than the tried-and-true favorites, but it will also be more you. I think you have things to say, no matter how timid you are. Say them.
4) I don't have a four, but I am rather fond of even numbers. Deal.
1) I'm not sure why you feel the need to give up. If your career isn't going in the right direction, then it's time to adapt, not time to throw in the towel. Start writing some songs in a genre you've never worked in before, or hook up with some musicians who are much older or younger than you. Diversify, try new things; moreover, just keep trying.
2) The career you choose should be something you would do without pay. I'm a bookworm who likes talking about ideas, arguing over obscure texts, and making proles realize they are undereducated hicks who do not deserve to have a voice in our government, thus I decided to become a university professor. If you need a certain level of pay to be a singer, perhaps it's not what you really love. Judging by the way you talk, I doubt that, but you never know - maybe your true calling is beekeeping. It's not my job to tell you that, it's your job to figure it out.
3) I've heard you sing. You have a beautiful voice. But the CDs you sent me were full of cover tunes. Why not get together with another musician and write some new material? It may be more difficult to sell than the tried-and-true favorites, but it will also be more you. I think you have things to say, no matter how timid you are. Say them.
4) I don't have a four, but I am rather fond of even numbers. Deal.
Alex,
I do appreciate your honesty.
I guess the crux of it all is that I've gotten myself into the trap of doing music for a living. I am not qualified to do or skilled at anything else. I would LOVE to get back to doing music for fun but it's just not an affordale option right now.
I think the whole "pity party" thing is this.....it's just not fun anymore. I now have to rely on my singing to pay my rent and I have to perform for ingrates who don't appreciate me or my amazingly talented musician friends. I do not get to nurture the creative side anymore. It has become a job, a drudge. And, honestly, I'm sick to death of everybody thinking that they can do what I do. Plain and simple, they can't. But people are getting credit left and right for the mediocre crap that they dish out.
This is why I'm back in school. To learn a new vocation. Then I can make my music my avocation. The suck of it all is that I'm stuck doing what I'm passionate about to pay my bills with minimum appreciation. Vicious cycle.
Basically, I just wanted to rant and feel sorry for myself today. I feel that everyone is entitled to one or two pity partys in a year.
Thank you for all of your honest advice. I value and respect what you have to say.
I do appreciate your honesty.
I guess the crux of it all is that I've gotten myself into the trap of doing music for a living. I am not qualified to do or skilled at anything else. I would LOVE to get back to doing music for fun but it's just not an affordale option right now.
I think the whole "pity party" thing is this.....it's just not fun anymore. I now have to rely on my singing to pay my rent and I have to perform for ingrates who don't appreciate me or my amazingly talented musician friends. I do not get to nurture the creative side anymore. It has become a job, a drudge. And, honestly, I'm sick to death of everybody thinking that they can do what I do. Plain and simple, they can't. But people are getting credit left and right for the mediocre crap that they dish out.
This is why I'm back in school. To learn a new vocation. Then I can make my music my avocation. The suck of it all is that I'm stuck doing what I'm passionate about to pay my bills with minimum appreciation. Vicious cycle.
Basically, I just wanted to rant and feel sorry for myself today. I feel that everyone is entitled to one or two pity partys in a year.
Thank you for all of your honest advice. I value and respect what you have to say.
Doing something you love even without pay isn't something that is practical when you have a kid, Alex.
The frustration is that the joy of it is being beat out of your singing because of the necessity and the kind of work you have to take to survive.
It sucks. Being a music major killed music for me for a LONG time.
Even though I knew I didn't want the professional life, I am still eaten alive with jealousies from time to time.
You are altering a path that you have identified with really strongly for a long time. You're going to have to mourn the loss of expectation and dream. It is ok.
Pity parties don't bother me, let alone piss me off (Obviously, as I have too many of them!)I'll bring chocolate, in fact.
The frustration is that the joy of it is being beat out of your singing because of the necessity and the kind of work you have to take to survive.
It sucks. Being a music major killed music for me for a LONG time.
Even though I knew I didn't want the professional life, I am still eaten alive with jealousies from time to time.
You are altering a path that you have identified with really strongly for a long time. You're going to have to mourn the loss of expectation and dream. It is ok.
Pity parties don't bother me, let alone piss me off (Obviously, as I have too many of them!)I'll bring chocolate, in fact.
P.S.
I am jealous as hell of your resume.
THanks for the vocal critique earlier and the card. It helped.
I am jealous as hell of your resume.
THanks for the vocal critique earlier and the card. It helped.
P.s.s
Alex, a lot of what you said was really good advice. Seriously.
Geeze. I guess I am fond of odd numbers. :D
Alex, a lot of what you said was really good advice. Seriously.
Geeze. I guess I am fond of odd numbers. :D
"Doing something you love even without pay isn't something that is practical when you have a kid, Alex."
LL, LL, LL. *sigh*
If we're talking practicality, then the music business is pretty much out, huh?
Let's not conflate my advice on principle with practical suggestions for living. It's not my job to tell people what to do, but I can certainly help them sort through the arguments. I was just trying to pick out the issue at hand, and offer some suggestions to keep the dream alive, if that's what CLL wants.
As for CLL, I'm glad you're back in school. You're obviously gaining confidence from your successes.
And yes, despite your outward bravado, I think you are a fairly timid person on the inside, CLL. That's probably why you like to perform.
LL, LL, LL. *sigh*
If we're talking practicality, then the music business is pretty much out, huh?
Let's not conflate my advice on principle with practical suggestions for living. It's not my job to tell people what to do, but I can certainly help them sort through the arguments. I was just trying to pick out the issue at hand, and offer some suggestions to keep the dream alive, if that's what CLL wants.
As for CLL, I'm glad you're back in school. You're obviously gaining confidence from your successes.
And yes, despite your outward bravado, I think you are a fairly timid person on the inside, CLL. That's probably why you like to perform.
You've done a lot, and there is still more to do.
I think you're very lucky in that you've found the thing that you love to do. Not everybody finds that in life and when we do, we have to hold onto it. I love writing, for instance. I know the chances are slim that I'm going to make money as a writer, but dammit, I'm going to try anyway because I love doing it.
That said, I have to have a back-up, which is why I've spent so long in university. If the writing thing doesn't work, I want to make sure I'm not living in a cardboard box at age 60, assuming the human race is still around.
I think you're very lucky in that you've found the thing that you love to do. Not everybody finds that in life and when we do, we have to hold onto it. I love writing, for instance. I know the chances are slim that I'm going to make money as a writer, but dammit, I'm going to try anyway because I love doing it.
That said, I have to have a back-up, which is why I've spent so long in university. If the writing thing doesn't work, I want to make sure I'm not living in a cardboard box at age 60, assuming the human race is still around.
LL,
I appreciate your support. Being a singer yourself, I know you know what it is that I'm going through (Dougie too!) I call "being an artist" a blessing and a curse. You can have some of the most astounding highs, better than sex (yes, Alex, I promise, BETTER than sex!) and turn around and have the most accursed lows. And because you are an artist you look at the world through different eyes than others. We feel and see pain differently, we're overly sensitive but we see beauty differently too. I know you get me, LL, and I love you for that!
Alex, Yes. Any type of artistic career is usually not a lucrative career. I was spoiled for 12 years. My first year of doing jingles I made $95,000.00 in ONE year. Just for singing about tacos. Obscene, huh? After that I averaged between $45,000 and $75,000 a year. (This was good $$$ back then.) Other singers COVETED my job.
I also was one of a core, select group of singers who worked in a studio with amazingly talented, creative, generous, kind, smart and funny people who I now call friends. They embraced my talent and they made me feel like a diva. It was awesome! I was one of the few but fortunate ones to have a career where I did what I loved and got paid handsomely for it. This isn't just about money but about being valued and appreciated. I think that everybody will concur that no matter what you do for a living, if you are giving it your all, if you are putting your back into it, if you are sweating blood and pulling your heart out of your chest and handing it to them on a platter and NOBODY notices or gives you anything in return, it's gonna make you feel a little unappreciated and undervalued. Any executive would tell you that they would not feel great about going from CEO to mail clerk. What I'm going through is comparible to that. There is no corporate ladder in the entertainment industry. You can work your way all the way up to the greatest gigs in the world and 2 years later you're playing in a dive. And there is a psychology that goes along with all of this. That's the point I'm at right now.
You know something else? This too shall pass. I will NEVER stop singing. EVER. That is the end all, be all. I love it that much.
I just consider this, like everything else that has come to pass, another phase in my life. And I think that you're right on the money, as far as me finding my inner voice. It's just that I've come so far, from where I was before, that I don't consider myself timid anymore. I like hearing other people's impressions of me and I suspect that your right. It's probably a huge reason behind why I like to be on stage.
Doug,
Keep doing your art. Always. You're soooooo talented. You sound like you already know that there's immense highs and lows. Just go with the flow, baby! Sometimes you hit the jackpot and sometimes you want to pull your hair out. But in a pervese way, I think it's that torture that makes artists so talented. I can't wait to buy your first book AND I want a personalized, autographed copy! = )
I appreciate your support. Being a singer yourself, I know you know what it is that I'm going through (Dougie too!) I call "being an artist" a blessing and a curse. You can have some of the most astounding highs, better than sex (yes, Alex, I promise, BETTER than sex!) and turn around and have the most accursed lows. And because you are an artist you look at the world through different eyes than others. We feel and see pain differently, we're overly sensitive but we see beauty differently too. I know you get me, LL, and I love you for that!
Alex, Yes. Any type of artistic career is usually not a lucrative career. I was spoiled for 12 years. My first year of doing jingles I made $95,000.00 in ONE year. Just for singing about tacos. Obscene, huh? After that I averaged between $45,000 and $75,000 a year. (This was good $$$ back then.) Other singers COVETED my job.
I also was one of a core, select group of singers who worked in a studio with amazingly talented, creative, generous, kind, smart and funny people who I now call friends. They embraced my talent and they made me feel like a diva. It was awesome! I was one of the few but fortunate ones to have a career where I did what I loved and got paid handsomely for it. This isn't just about money but about being valued and appreciated. I think that everybody will concur that no matter what you do for a living, if you are giving it your all, if you are putting your back into it, if you are sweating blood and pulling your heart out of your chest and handing it to them on a platter and NOBODY notices or gives you anything in return, it's gonna make you feel a little unappreciated and undervalued. Any executive would tell you that they would not feel great about going from CEO to mail clerk. What I'm going through is comparible to that. There is no corporate ladder in the entertainment industry. You can work your way all the way up to the greatest gigs in the world and 2 years later you're playing in a dive. And there is a psychology that goes along with all of this. That's the point I'm at right now.
You know something else? This too shall pass. I will NEVER stop singing. EVER. That is the end all, be all. I love it that much.
I just consider this, like everything else that has come to pass, another phase in my life. And I think that you're right on the money, as far as me finding my inner voice. It's just that I've come so far, from where I was before, that I don't consider myself timid anymore. I like hearing other people's impressions of me and I suspect that your right. It's probably a huge reason behind why I like to be on stage.
Doug,
Keep doing your art. Always. You're soooooo talented. You sound like you already know that there's immense highs and lows. Just go with the flow, baby! Sometimes you hit the jackpot and sometimes you want to pull your hair out. But in a pervese way, I think it's that torture that makes artists so talented. I can't wait to buy your first book AND I want a personalized, autographed copy! = )
LOL! You're such a Californian, CLL.
I think Dougie and I are in the same boat. If I could write for a living, I would. But, since I'm not rich and famous yet, I'm doing pro bono work over at my blog. =)
I think Dougie and I are in the same boat. If I could write for a living, I would. But, since I'm not rich and famous yet, I'm doing pro bono work over at my blog. =)
That's okay, though. They say the third generation Californians turn out down-to-Earth, and seemingly normal. Small Child should be okay when he leaves for college and finds out what the real world is like (pretty much the opposite of L.A.).
We live about 450 miles from L.A.
so that should serve small child well. But seeing that he has two relatively abnormal parents....the future of his normal-ness-nacy is at stake. = )
so that should serve small child well. But seeing that he has two relatively abnormal parents....the future of his normal-ness-nacy is at stake. = )
I'm sorry, there's an age cap on American Idol? That's bullshit. You'd kick everyone's asses. And may shows like American Idol are part of the problem - you're inundating the mainstream music industry with a bunch of kids that think they've paid their dues because they spent two years waitressing in New York, or whatever. I dunno.
I'm with Alex, though - I don't know why you think you need to drop your singing. I know after years of working your ass off, it must get extremely discouraging not to really get the recognition you deserve. Still, I'm totally jealous of the musical life you get to live. I love music, both playing it and listening to it, but I'm not nearly talented enough to even think of doing what you're doing. So, I guess what I mean to say is I hope you keep on!
I'm with Alex, though - I don't know why you think you need to drop your singing. I know after years of working your ass off, it must get extremely discouraging not to really get the recognition you deserve. Still, I'm totally jealous of the musical life you get to live. I love music, both playing it and listening to it, but I'm not nearly talented enough to even think of doing what you're doing. So, I guess what I mean to say is I hope you keep on!
I know you know that I (a) completely relate to your predicament, (b) love love love love love your voice and working with you, and (c) believe in you 100%.
I don't know how any of that relates to the reality or practicality of the moment, but hell, if I was a realist or practical I wouldn't still be writing songs either.
"you may say I'm a dreamer...but I'm not the only one..."
I don't know how any of that relates to the reality or practicality of the moment, but hell, if I was a realist or practical I wouldn't still be writing songs either.
"you may say I'm a dreamer...but I'm not the only one..."
Hey Bar!
Love, love, love, love, love your songs, working with you and you too. This whole thing is just bittersweet, ya know>
And I must clarify to everyone that I'm not giving up singing....just want to give it up as my career. See? See the difference?
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Love, love, love, love, love your songs, working with you and you too. This whole thing is just bittersweet, ya know>
And I must clarify to everyone that I'm not giving up singing....just want to give it up as my career. See? See the difference?
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