loralees-freshed-over-noodles

I just had lunch with another soccer mom. She is the mom of one of small child's team mates.
She is real, cool and a pleasure to talk to and we're just getting to know each other. She is, also, the manager of our kid's soccer team. We were discussing the "tyrant" that coached the soccer team at last Saturday's game. Our kid's regular coach couldn't be there, so he asked one of the boys father's to fill in. I would have been fine had the invited father actually done the coaching but one of the other father's "volunteered" to help. The invited father never got a word in edgewise.

"Volunteer/tyrant" father TOOK OVER. "Volunteer/tyrant" father was yelling at the boys left and right. Of course, small child's father and I were on the other side of the field, so we didn't really know what was going on, until toward the end of the game when "volunteer/tyrant" father yelled a very loud and angry "DAMN!" because the boys weren't playing the way he thought they should be playing. "Volunteer/tyrant's" own son was hurt during the game. He was holding his knee and crying (This boy hardly ever cries, mind you) and I heard "volunteer/tyrant" father say, these actual words, "Is there any blood? No? He's alright then put him back in the game." His son was, also, crying after losing the game. "Soccer mom/team manager" said to him, "It's okay. We lost. It's okay. What's wrong? Why are you crying?" And "volunteer/tyrant" father said, "He should be crying. The team lost, it's not okay! There's nothing wrong, he just should've worked harder." Okaaay!!?? These boys are 8 and 9. EIGHT & NINE! Do we have to subject them so early to the "he-man" mentality? Do they all have to aspire to being the Marlboro man or the Terminator?? Can they not just cry if they're hurt or disappointed? Can we not acknowledge this and still make them fine soccer players?

Anyway, I digress......supposedly, according to "soccer mom/team manager," she over-heard "volunteer/tyrant" father trying to give small child a stern lecture. Small child has challenges with focus and listening. He has had these challenges since he was tiny and he is actually making headway in this department. It's not easy and I acknowledge that it's frustrating sometimes, but we don't yell at him for it. "Volunteer/tyrant" father was frustrated with this and was aggressively trying to address this with small child. (Yeah, like he's going to "magically" transform small child.) I asked "soccer mom/team manager"if small child was scared of "volunteer/tyrant" father, and she said that he was not at all afraid of him and his yelling. According to her, small child kept asking questions of "volunteer/tyrant" father and was very respectful. For example:

"Volunteer/tyrant": "BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH!!!"

"Small Child": "Blah, blah, blah blah???"

(Repeat above a few times)

Finally, this conversation ensued:

"Volunteer/tyrant": "I'll bet you don't speak to your parents at home like you're doing now."

"Small Child": "Yes. I do. (Of course if he's fresh he get consequences, but he's allowed to ask questions.)

"Volunteer/tyrant": Well, I'll bet you don't speak to the teachers in school like this."

"Small Child": "I'm home schooled."

"Volunteer/tyrant": SILENCE

He sent small child out onto the field and was overheard saying, "He doesn't go to parochial school. The parochial school kids listen." Yeah. That's it. Let's box them all up and pretend that they're not individuals. Let's pretend that they all are supposed to think alike, act alike, learn alike, be alike....like little robotic Stepford children. Let's pretend that not one of them has special individual talents or challenges. Let's pretend that they should all believe every single thing an adult says without ever being allowed to ask questions. I'm sure that "volunteer/tyrant" father doesn't appreciate small child's father's and my parenting skills, just as I don't appreciate his. His child is a wonderfully, sweet child who is an exceptionally talented little soccer player. This child is also an over acheiver and I can see how he wants to please and meet his father's expectations. It hurts my heart.

One of the lessons that small child's dad and I have always wanted to teach our child was to RESPECTFULLY question authority. I cannot tell you how wonderful it was to hear this story today. That my spirited young child held his own RESPECTFULLY. That he questioned, RESPECTFULLY, the authority of a big, over grown, Napoleon complex, tyrannical, adult-bully. He was not afraid or intimidated by the "volunteer/tyrant". He was not taking "volunteer/tyrant's" word as gospel and was spirited and independent enough to ask questions. My heart is full and I'm very proud of my son today.

Please note: "volunteer/tyrant" WILL NOT coach small child again.